Today was wonderful. One of the most calm, relaxing days of climbing I have ever had. There was no rush to the day.

I slept late and waled Ponyo (Justins new dog) and relaxed until I felt like climbing. That was after coffee. I spent the day exploring hound ears and reveling in the crimpy madness of it all. Sent many new problems that I couldn't do 2/3 years ago when I last came here. Send of the day was definitely flashing The Blade V6. I spent a long time sussing out my beta and mentally rehearsing and it paid off handsomely.

Halfway through the day I leisurely drove back the 5 minutes to Justin's house, drank some more coffee, ate and watched some TV. After an hour or so rolled back out and spent the remaining two hours of daylight working on Fuc Yo V9 which feels really hard but possible. This is my final goal for the trip. I spent the sunset sitting on top of one of the "Hound Ears" drinking PBR.

I realized I was fretting over some decisions today as the sun set. The most difficult being the likelihood of rain tomorrow. Sometimes life is hard.

Spent most of the day today driving from Charlotte to Boone which in general shouldn't take all day. But the mix of beer, too little sleep and daylight saving time made for a slow start.

I finally had that feeling I've been dreaming about now for months. Total freedom, mobility, ecstasy, friends and climbing all kind of rolled into a delicious ball. It usually comes about when I have the windows rolled down and bumpin some loud music and today it was no different

The idea that I could stop anywhere and take a nap and then go climbing wherever I wanted is amazing. So I went to grandmother Mountain with only a couple problems on my tick list and no real expectations. All of them had felt impossible last time I was there months ago. After warming up and reconfiguring my beta I sent Clamper V8 relatively quickly. It's tall and squeezy and with no one there to spot me the topout was a little nervey.

Now I am at Justin and Sarah's just relaxing with my own guest bedroom in a gated community with its own boulderfield. After a lot of sleep I plan to crush it up then down.

Clamper

Here is a great problem from Grandmother Mountain! This is Clamper!!

Clamper from John McCauley on Vimeo.

This problem seemed impossible 6 months ago but went rather quickly. This is from the first day of my climbing adventure. Off to a great start! Come join me!!!

Freeeedom

Today is the beginning of my grand adventure

I spent most of the day pimping my rig. I cleaned out my car and for those you who are in the know, that never happens. By taking apart an old wooden bed frame I jerry-rigged a sleeping platform with two drawers to hold my clothes other miscellaneous things. It took me most of the day.

Though throughout out the day I had scattered all my belonging in my yard while I tried my hand at carpentry. It also just happened to be "Bulky Pick Weekend" where all the crazy people from town come to rummage through other peoples unwanted shit that is piled along the roads. On more then one occasion today I had these junkies walk right past me and eye my climbing bag, crash pad and gear.

"No you can't have all my possessions!"

I have my life now stowed away (somewhat) neatly all inside my Vibe and am parked at Chris's place down here in Charlotte chillin with some old friends. We shall have a grand ol time like we always do.

Honestly it feels a little uncomfortable but all I have to do tomorrow is whatever I want.

Seasons Change

Photo Cred: Katie Long

I dug up some footage from this winter and just thought I would share. I had some crazy good times at LRC, climbing with so many amazing people. On just these two problems alone I climbed with: Lana, Bri, Andrew, Carl, Brent, Brian, Kit, Warren, Josh, so many others and sent it on a day when the Boone crew rolled 12 deep. Madness. That has to be the best part of climbing.

Seasons Change - Two from LRC from John McCauley on Vimeo.

Heres to more good times!

Chattnasty Summer/Fall LRC Video

So I've been sitting on this pile of footage for a while. I sporadically took some video over the summer and early fall while exploring/training for the Triple Crown.



The climbing at LRC is everything you've heard, amazing, a little slabby, full of slimpers and incredibly concentrated. There is something for everybody and I spent more of my time here climbing then any other single area. So good!!!! I've got beta for days so let go climb there.

I've got a couple more vids worth of footage that I am working on. These won't take 4 months, promise.

Little Rock City - Summer/Fall 010' from John McCauley on Vimeo.

Thanks for all the love on the last post. Its amazing having a groups of friends who have your back when you make a ridiculous decision. Also you are all now contractually obligated to: let me sleep on your couch and feed me.

PUT ON!

No Comment

Jarred awake at 5am, my heart pumping uncontrollably, why do I feel this way?

Today I am quitting my job and becoming a full time climber at least for a little while. The idea of being unemployed, now, when most of my friends are struggling to find work has been keeping me up at night. But I know it is something I must do.

14 hours later, I'm still shaking a little bit, and I can smell my armpits nervously sweating, as I walk into the cash office to tell my boss.
"Uh,eerrrr,uh bear with me here but I want to put in my two weeks notice."
"OK, can I ask why?" she replied way more relaxed then I was expecting.
"Well I have the opportunity to do something I've always dreamed about and climb full time..."
The look on her face implied "No Comment."

Now, I've got two weeks to: take the GRE, outfit my car, save some money and try to line up a job for the fall before I head out. I'm really psyched, a little bit scared and its too late now to change my mind!

The Underworld

Welcome to the Underworld!

Andrew Miller took me out to a new crag that he and Ben Sachs have been developing this past year and it is amazing! The routes are steep with unique movement and all fixed draws, so you can whip all over the place. Not to mention the setting is incredible, with an amazing view of the entire Linville Gorge. I highly recommend it if you like steep sport climbing.

The crag was first discovered by Doug Reed who put up a stellar line on an exposed arete but the crag was left by the wayside when he discovered some place called the New River Gorge. The approach is the only downside, it is quite brutal, in a way that only the Linville Gorge can be. But it is absolutely worth it.

Here is a short teaser with some footage I took last time I went down there. More will come soon with better camera angles and footage of more of the ridiculous routes that cover the cave. Andrew kills it in the video, getting the second ascent of the project that he bolted, The Dark Angel 5.12b (aka Jessica Alba).

For more information:
http://mountainproject.com/v/north_carolina/linville_gorge/gold_coast_cliffs/106786474

Welcome to the Underworld: A teaser from John McCauley on Vimeo.

It comes to this...

There is this one project that I have been working on for weeks now. It is glorious, perfect movement, intense precision and some serious power are necessary in order to send. I have come as close as I can get to sending this project and it is by far the hardest and most time consuming climbing experience I have had.

And it all leads to this...

It comes to this... from John McCauley on Vimeo.

Coming soon: A teaser video for a new crag in the Linville Gorge, with the steepest sport climbing in the High Country!

A New Season

It's been about 4 months since I got back from Dubai and I am loving the High Country. I graduated and am now no longer in school, the first time in 18 years. For now I am enjoying life which for me means climbing, a lot.

A semester of rest and a weight training routine has really readied me to progress. I came back and problems that once felt impossible now go down in a few tries. So for at least this summer I will be keeping up this blog to help myself keep track of my progress, keep some perspective and hopefully entertain. I have a camera that I am excited about using and I will put up some of my writings.

So here is the first installment, a day from a couple months ago, the first time I had been back to Grandmother for almost a year. I sent three problems that had been lingering on my tick list for no good reason.

A Day Bouldering at Grandmother Mountain, Boone NC from John McCauley on Vimeo.

Yella!

Back to It

Climbing has been somewhat on the back burner this last semester. There just wasn't much climbing in Dubai. In the weeks to come I will try to post some anecdotes about the little bit of climbing I did there which to say the least was unique.

Highball V1

Right now my focus is on training and getting back that endurance that I lack. I actually feel stronger then when I left perhaps as a result of the weight lifting and serious amount of rest. Regardless V10 in 2010.

A Curious V4

On MLK day Katie and I went to Rumbling Bald and it was fantastic. Thanks CCC for you hard work the new parking lot is amazing, I didn't even recognize it. We randomly met up with Dalton, Amy and Rachel and headed over to the East side. There I dispatched Big Bully V6 second go and dalton finished it soon thereafter. Right around the corner with a few others from Boone worked Brackish Waters V8. I got the crux move second go and worked the rest of the moves but couldn't quite piece it together. It will go next time for sure! These are good omens for the months to come.

YELLA!

Stupid-Extravagant

Everything in the UAE is named Sheikh-something. The main highway, that guy over there and one of the biggest mosques in the world. The term Sheikh is somewhat of a throwback to a time without man-made islands, when your tribe was your primary form of identity. Sheikhs are still the leaders today but of entire countries now instead of isolated tribes. Also they are no longer stuck in the deserts with their camels but are instead some of the richest individuals on Earth.

The term nouveau-riche is somewhat of understatement for most of the Sheikhs and the local Emiratis who benefit from their money. In the UAE every local citizens gets a tiny percentage of the oil revenues for the entire country and the government has on multiple occasions paid off every local's debts. The point is that many of the locals are only a couple generations removed from living in the desert in canvas tents and now are mega-wealthy.

So what do you do with all the money? Build the world's tallest building, make multiple man-made islands, indoor ski slopes, and two places I just visited this weekend: Sheikh Zayed Mosque (see?) and Emirates Palace. Both are about an hour away in the capital of the UAE, Abu Dhabi. Our friend Aria was kind enough to drive Sean, Jess and myself to these stupid-extravagant sights.

To Quote My Islamic Art and Architecture Professor:
"The Minaret, If We Were In a Western Classroom I Would Say It Is a Phallic Symbol, One of Power."

Our first stop was the Sheikh Zayed Mosque, one of the biggest in the world and just recently completed. In order to enter Jess had to put on a full black abaya with the headscarf, I just had to not be wearing shorts. The mosque was enormous and incredibly beautiful. The intense attention to detail was astounding and everywhere you looked there was a pattern. Inside is the worlds largest hand-woven carpet and the three largest chandeliers in the world.

One thing I still can't wrap my head around though is that within the traditions of Islam there is very strict ban on figurative images in general but especially in mosques. The reason given is that there is only one god and figurative images could lead to idol worship etc but in the mosque it is claimed that it will distract believers from their prayers. To a certain extent this makes sense, most mosques I have been are very peaceful and respectful places. What I don't understand about the Sheikh Zayed Mossque is how anyone could not be distracted while there. The chandeliers were the size of a small car, plated with gold with thousands of LEDs lit up within them. The carpet itself distracted me with it's incredible patterns. I know I am A.D.D. but I could barely hold a conversation in the place let alone pray.

Ooooooh Shiny...

Anyways, our next destination was even more gaudy. Emirates Palace also opened just a few years ago and is reportedly the most expensive hotel ever built at a price tag of $3 billion. $3 BILLION!!! Owned by the Abu Dhabi local government it still doesn't make any sense. Come on can anyone think of anything better you would spend $3 billion on? I guess for Abu Dhabi that is a relatively paltry sum because word on the street here is that they have over $1 trillion in liquid assets, like cash and gold sitting in a vault somewhere. Ok back on track here.

Bling!

As we drove into the underground parking garage the whole first fifty spaces on the right side were full of identical white BMW 740is on the left were what I assumed to be the guest's cars, beamers, Mercedes, Porsches, Ferarris, Lamborghinis, Bentleys, Rolls Royces and other luxury cars I have never even heard of. Upon walking in I was unimpressed but the decor, everything was some shade of gold that is until I relaized that everything was gold. The display cases, the doorknobs, the clothes the staff were wearing and even the walls were all made and at the very least plated with gold. It is also the only place I have ever seen that has wall-sized murals of the palace itself on the walls inside the palace. The entire place was an one expensive act of narcissism.

I Wanna Know Where tha Golds At

As we were leaving, we passed a curious auction. Inside glass jewelry cases, like the one you would see the Hope Diamond in, there were lit up and rotating license plates. Here is another curious cultural phenomenon, people pay exorbitant amounts of money for low-numbered and patterned license plates. Let me give you an example, the closer to 1 the better but numbers like 88888, 616, 12345 are also big money. By big money I mean that some of the plates in the single digits go for upwards of $1 million, much more expensive then the car the plate is on. Again classic nouveau-riche, "look at me I have way more money than you" mentality.

Hmmm What Should I Do With All That Money I Have...

Driving away I couldn't help but think about how self-conscious everyone here must be to spend such vast sums of money on what I would deem essentially useless things. Spending money in order to show your neighbor or the world that you have money is a waste, but giving it to me, now that is a novel idea...

A Pep Rally with Bill

Today I had the great honor of going to the grand opening of the auditorium at American University of Dubai. I'll try to paint the scene as best I can. On what is basketball court the eyes are drawn to the raised stage near the center which is adorned the UAE, US and AUD flags. On either side of the stage are massive monitors displaying scenes from around campus. In the center are rows upon rows of folding chairs and above those, encircling the entire auditorium, are another section of seats all full of students. Think graduation. Yet, the difference between this and graduation was the atmosphere.

Goooo Knights

The only way I can describe the way the students were acting and the way the event was orchestrated is by comparing it to that of a high school pep rally. All the student athletes were in one section dancing to the likes of AC/DCs "You Shook Me all Night Long," "We Are the Champions" and old school hip hop, the kind you would hear at the skate rink in middle school. Then we were forced to chant for the mascot of the school the Knight. This was followed a dance troupe/cheerleaders showing off near the stage in front of the US Consulate General.

I then got rushed from my front row seats back stage and there he was, Bill Clinton. He looked a little older then I remembered him and even though he doesn't inhale he looked pretty dazed and confused. I shook his hand and asked him "How are you?" and thanked for the opportunity he gave me, coming to Dubai. We presented him a a framed picture of all of us Clinton Scholars and he said he would put it up in his Harlem office. We took a couple pictures with the him and then we were rushed back to our seats.

The pep rally culminated with Bill Clinton's speech. He spoke of common problems facing all peoples, inequality, climate change and what young people should do about them. He gave examples like the Grameen Bank, Kiva.org and his foundation's work in distributing solar-powered lights to Haiti. One thing I though was interesting is that he obviously qualified many of his statements because of the country he was speaking


in. IF you live in a democratic country, your school in ONE example of how men an women can have equal opportunities in education, IF you live in such a society you SHOULD speak out for you political views. I could see how some of these statements could be deemed as attacking the UAE and fermenting a revolt.

Gooooooo Clinton!

Like at the Democratic National Convention, Clinton's speech ended with a standing ovation, lots of hand shaking and white and blue balloons falling from the ceiling. Unlike the DNC though the the song that was played as he finished his speech was "Tonights Going to Be a Good Night." Those unfamiliar with the song should know that it is about partying, drinking and spending all your money in one night, as distant from Clinton's message as a song could be without playing death metal.

As Clinton's helicopter flew away, I felt a confused mix of fake school spirit and horror at the way the whole event was run but I was truly inspired, wanting to do some good for the world.

"Do Some Good."

Palm Island

Tonight I went to my first 'house party' Dubai style. More or less it was the same as any party at any house in a college town. The main difference, though, was the setting. It was hosted at a villa on a man-made island in the Persian Gulf.

There was a DJ, a bar and a beach. The most striking aspect was the "fight" I witnessed as soon as I exited the taxi. Here in Dubai the police are so ever-present and scary that fights play out like peacocks vying for a mate. No, touching just lots of loud arguments followed by six people "holding back" each individual. Obviously most of these individuals would last very shortly at an American college.

Yet, tonight I met more people from more countries then I could have ever imagined. A South African, Northern Californian, German, a Swiss guy, a Saudi, a Brit and a Hungarian-Iraqi. Most importantly, I realized that no matter what ethnicity or nationality every person I met was so much the same in this setting that it made me realize the common humanity that we all share. Plus, I got in for free.

Days 3 and 4: Adventure Some More

Most of day 3 was spent aimlessly walking around Beirut looking for a cheap hotel suite in which all six of us could stay. One place was too sketchy and the next too expensive and so on. At another the proprietor told of us a cheap suite that could fit six of us. He showed us the room which had two singles, puke green carpet and the smell of cat piss. We said 'no thanks.' Eventually Jean Paul, on a whim, found a great room in a hotel with a modern facade, El-Sheikh. We even had a pool in our room but only after one of us took a shower.

Anxious to get the day started we took a taxi to the Roche, a couple of majestic rock formations that rose from the ocean in downtown Beirut. As the requisite 'identical-facebook-albums' photo shoot took place a small teenager approached us. He offered to set us up for a boat ride around the rocks and after some price negotiations we found ourselves on a small dingy speeding around and through the Roche. The water was choppy and filthy but the rocks were stunning, albeit unclimbable and trust me I checked.

The Roche Beautiful but Unclimbable

We milled about a fancy hotel and then met up with Jean-Philippe who said he would take us to Beyt al-Din, literally translated to house of religion, a 14^th century Ottoman villa. As we were on a tight schedule because our German friend Andy was flying in, his statement that it would take 30 minutes was just barely perfect. 30 minutes later we weren't halfway there and pissed, so Jean-Philippe changed our destination to Sa'ida a series of ancient ruins sitting alone off the coastline. Yet, they were closed. He tried to make it up to us by going to a famous pastry shop.

I have never been so stressed out in a pastry shop ever in my life. The scene was one of chaos, customers swarming the counters which were full of Arab pastries, french chocolates and gelato. In the middle of the swarm Jean Philippe is attempting to explain to us about each pastry's name, contents, history, maiden name while we were swooning from not eating for eight hours. We just wanted some pastries so we wouldn't die. Jean-Paul and I eventually ordered and each ate 20 different kinds of pastries as a guy behind the counter yelled Arab numbers repeatedly over and over again at 15 second intervals.

That night our group finally became whole when Andy joined us, on a rooftop restaurant overlooking the Mediterranean, for dinner. I had a relaxing a night and the next morning Jean-Paul and I went to rent a car. We wanted a little more freedom and not be rushed around by Jean-Philippe. We had to wait for two hours to get the car but it was worth it because we explored the beautiful Mohammad al-Amin Mosque. After a short nap in the mosque we got our little Nissan Sunny and headed to Jeita Cave.

Or tried to. I asked many random people for direction in broken Arabic but most of the time I was unable to understand what their answer. I would ask and the short conversations would go something like this:

Fdsgafdsag...straight for...asdnbvc...right after the...afdsfd...

Shukran? (thanks).

Then we were on our way, to ask for more directions! Eventually we made in to Jeita Cave. Here we took a short cable car up to the top entrance of the cave where our cameras were immediately confiscated. No pictures allowed because they wanted you to buy them in the gift shop. The cave itself was heavily trafficked with a concrete path throughout. Yet, the chambers were quite large and the formations were some of the most unique I have seen in a cave. Some looked like jellyfish, other like curtains and one that was black from so many people touching it, appeared phallic in nature.

A Picture I Was Supposed to Buy

On the way to the bottom level of the cave we took a "train" that was actually just a tractor and passed the a most soul-crushing zoo. Where even the turtle were frustrated enough to headbutt each other. On the bottom level we took a 5 minute boat ride and saw a few more formations but mostly Jean-Paul splashing water.

Tractor-Train

Driving on the way out were continually impressed with kindness of every stranger we met. With time to kill we got directions to somewhere nearby and explored some more. We found ourselves in a small mountain town, with amazing cliffs and free standing rock formations, where we took in the view. The potential for climbing here is immense. On the way back to pick up Awos, who had been asleep all day and to go eat, we got lost for just minute.

So Many Rocks!

Right or left? Just down the road to the left we passSo Many Rocks!ed a military checkpoint, high upon a the ridge line replete with tanks, artillery and soldiers. We turned around, took the right and headed back to fabulous Beirut...

Day 2: Churches, Christmas Trees and Vomit

Waking up in order to vomit is not a fun way to start the first full day of vacation. Yet, I didn't speak enough Arabic the night before to know what kind of street food I was ordering. It was delicious and there was a lot of yelling and pointing involved but it didn't settle quite right in my stomach.

We went on to have a few more stomach churning experiences that day. The first was that we hadn't all gone to AUB instead of AUD. The campus was beautiful, it was in a lively part of town and the students we saw looked happy to be there. After a little exploring Jean Paul met a professor and she showed us the private AUB Mediterranean beach. As we passed the the beach guard the professor, a cute little woman, says "They're not with me," and the guard let us swim and enjoy it anyways.

The Guys and the Amazing AUB

We got picked up by Jean-Philippe and headed North out of the city. The drive, itself, to Harissa, an area that includes a Maronite church, a Catholic church and another small church all on top of a mountain, almost made me a believer. The scariest aspect of Beirut, except maybe an Israeli invasion, is the driving. People in Lebanon are the most insane drivers I have ever come across and I thought there were some crazies in Boone. More on that in another post though.

The (In)Famous Jean-Philippe

After being thoroughly frightened by our resident driver Jean-Philippe on the way out of Beirut, he proceeded to tell us about the gift Uncle Sam gave to Lebanon. A fleet of brand new Dodge Charger police cars, one of which, lights flashing, he just passed.

“Don't worry about the police here. Even if they come up behind you with their lights on. They always have their lights on, like a Christmas tree.”

How comforting.

Then about the military checkpoint ahead:

“No talking, no laughing, no taking pictures. Just look straight ahead. He might make us stop and get out of the car too. There might be too many people in the car and one of you may need to get out.”

Telephrique on the Way Up

As we slowed down, turned off the music and gazed gravely out the windshield, the guard waved us through without even a 'bonjour'. We got to the bottom of the mountain and took a lovely, yet somewhat rickety cable car or 'telephrique' up above Beirut and into Harissa. The view of the city combined with the Mediterranean and sweeping mountains was astounding. Until that moment I hadn't really enjoyed the natural beauty of Lebanon. The mountains reminded me of home, they were hugging me the whole way up.

Beirut from Above

On top of the mountain, after passing through a snack bar, juice shop and gift shop we entered the grounds of the churches. Here an ugly Maronite church clashed with a beautiful statue of Mary and the incredible view. It was very reminiscent of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro. We reached the top the spiral staircase that led to the feet of Mary and Jean-Phillip showed us that if you rubbed a coin on the base of the statue and it stuck then your prayers would be granted. His stuck.

The Mary and the Maronite Church

After another stomach churning drive we arrived at a monastery that overlooked the Mediterranean. Here I tried to climb a tree but Jean-Philippe informed that the nuns would come yell at me. Angry nuns yelling at you on the edge of cliff is a fun thought but not one I wanted to experience.

That evening the six of us ate at and explored Byblos, one of the oldest inhabited cities in the world. It consisted of Phoenician ruins jutting out into the ocean as well as shops and restaurants tucked away in a truly ancient city. We frolicked down narrow cobble alleyways and lively squares as techno pulsed from the clubs nearby.

As we pulled into the hotel I reflected on the harrowing drive, intimidating authority figures and so many churches and realized: I need a strong drink...

Beirut is Jumeizing Day 1

I cursed, kicked the bed side table, and punched the wall when I realized my mistake. It wasn't even close, I missed my flight by 10 hours.

I had booked my flight to Beirut Lebanon a day earlier then everyone else, I got the right flight numbers just the wrong day. After some finagling I got another flight the next morning but for a price: leaving at 5:30am, having a 5 hours layover in Kuwait (no bars anywhere) and arriving 2 hours later then everyone else.

After seemingly getting ripped off by the taxi driver, 40,000 Lebanese pounds for a ride, I got dropped off at my sister school the American University in Beruit. Walking around trying to find my hotel was an amazing experience. My first impression of Beirut was how full of life it was. There were people everywhere, talking, smoking shisha, walking around and just being happy. The city itself was dirty but colorful, the building were short and had bullet scars in them and nature was creeping in around the edges. Completely the opposite of Dubai in nearly every respect.

American University of Beirut Just Down the Road from Our Hotel

“Where is Bliss Suite Hotels?” became my standard refrain. Everyone of the 8 people I asked was beyond nice. If they didn't know, they went inside the store and asked for me then shook my hand afterward. Though they didn't always give me the right directions I never felt uncomfortable. Even the sketchiest looking guy with Kramer-like hair who was completely filthy, beckoned me, spoke perfect English and gave me the correct directions with a smile.

I finally arrived at Bliss Suite Hotels and asked the guy if three Americans and a Saudi had checked in.

"No, there is no one staying here like that."

Finally, the guy found our reservations but said no one had checked-in. Now I was confused this where we said we were staying yet all my friends who were already in the country weren't here. I also had no way of contacting them. As I was about to give him my card to pay for the hotel room I turned on my phone and found 3 texts saying to come down to a different hotel. Apparently the guy had changed the price when our Saudi friend showed him his passport. Saudis don't exist and if they do they have pay more I guess.

A View of North Beirut

I finally found the hotel after asking a few more people and was relieved to see Jess in the lobby. After some naps and catching up we met up with an “acquaintance” of Jean-Paul's, Jean-Phillipe. He drove us north of Beirut for dinner at Manuellas, my new favorite restaurant.

Now the Arabs have a saying “Some eat to live others live to eat,” this experience was definitely the latter. We sat at a huge table underneath a canopy directly on the Mediterranean. After picking out the fish, I saw the same fish swimming in the ocean below me, we ordered lots of Mezzes like hummus, fatouche, grape leaves and cheese rolls. Drinks included Almazza the Lebanese beer and Arak which translates literally to sweat but tasted like Sambuca. The dinner wasn't served all at once, it came in waves so we were constantly eating for an hour. The food was so delicious that I was totally absorbed and forgot where I was, I would then look up and realize where I was and be completely overwhelmed.

The Best Dining Experience of My Life

After a short break came shishas, four types of liqueur and the most amazing fruit platters. There were 9 huge platter with apples, nectarines, plums, grapes, pears, kumquats, watermelon, cantaloupes and kiwis all on ice. I have never eaten so much food in one sitting ever, the entire experience lasted over 2 hours and cost only $20. The meal alone was worth the new flight and traveling all day.

There was certainly going to be no punching or kicking, I never wanted to leave...

A Brutal Malling

Yesterday, I had the opportunity of visiting Dubai Mall, on a mission to puzzle out why of all places the mall is so influential in Dubai.

Globally, Dubai is known for its world-class shopping experiences. Hundreds of separate malls dot the landscape and it is rare to see a store standing alone. Standing above the rest is Dubai Mall, one of the largest malls on the planet. Here there are over 1000 stores on 4 levels, it is a place where you could get lost and not be found for days.

When I first entered the mall the first thing I noticed was the map, I tried to take a picture but it wouldn't fit within the frame of my camera. Behind it was, no not a ski slope, but an ice skating rink of course. Here ice skaters were even more pitiful then that one kid who hugs the wall of the rink face-planting every step.

Except This Guy, Too-Much-Free-Time, Was Doing Front-handsprings and Flips

Hungry, from walking half way across the mall we decided to go to the food court. In most malls the food court, around lunch time, would be crowded and noisy but not here. The biggest food court I have ever seen, with a McDonald's playpen the size of of a normal mall in the states, was empty. For Muslims this is the holy month of Ramadan in which it is customary to fast during the daytime hours. Yet, the restaurants were open you just couldn't eat it there in public. So my compatriots cleverly combined two trips into one and ate their KFC in the bathroom.

One of the Many Insane Plazas within the Mall

After feeding ourselves we then watched the sharks being fed, in the aquarium, that was in the middle of the mall. You could shop with the fishies so to speak. Here I saw two divers get into a cage and give sharks dead fish. I felt like I was looking into a mirror. Here sharks were being hand-fed dead fish while surrounded with thousands of live fish, a lifetime supply. On the other side of the glass, individuals with a lifetime supply of money, wearing Guchi and Armani, were shopping for products they didn't need. There was even the same dead and dumb look in their eyes. Yet, like sharks around the cage, why do all the people congregate at malls?

A Very Full Shark

Maybe a fresh perspective will give me some ideas, I thought walking outside. The air outside felt thick, to the extent that the sensation of swimming comes to mind. It was 112 degrees with almost 100% humidity. Across an enormous fountain was the Burj Dubai the world's tallest building. Not yet completed it stands at over 2,684 ft tall and is a series of commercial and residential spaces. It was so tall that I couldn't fit it into the frame of my camera.

Bow Down to the Top Half of the Idol of Consumerism!

I have heard rumors from others that the crown prince of Saudi Arabia has declared his intention to build a tower to trump the Burj Dubai. Something in the range of a mile high. The Sheik of Dubai has declared his intention to beat that by finalizing plans for a skyscraper 7874ft tall. It doesn't seem possible to build something so tall but in this dick-measuring contest it seems anything goes, including laws of physics.

Katrice, Jordan and Myself

We stayed outside as long as possible but had to rush back in before we passed out in the heat. Perhaps this was a clue to the power of Dubai malls? We finished the evening with a trip to the grocery store on the bottom level (it had 50 types of milk!) and a final look at the Burj and the fountain. Here we witnessed an amazing spectacle, a fountain show that blows the Bellagio out of the water. To an up beat Arabic song, we watched as the water danced, gyrated, and blasted 30 feet into the air all perfectly in sync with the music. It was quite a sight and great way to end the trip.

Oooooooh

Ahhhhhhhh!

Though as far as the question to why malls are so important in Dubai, I'm still not sure. It may be because the rich people want to be seen being rich, or because the Dubains are even more materialitic then Americans (yes its possible) or maybe it is just too hot outside to organize shopping in anyother way.

All I know is that my tower is totally bigger than yours.

An Orientation for Freshman Orientations

Tips for students at an orientation and for those who are forced to run them.

Let me first begin by plagiarizing the president of the American University in Dubai and extolling the "The 10 Keys to Success for a New Student (Orientation)."

As a senior I have, obviously, already once gone through freshman orientation. It was an experience that I hoped to never repeat. Yet, here at AUD as a new student I was told that I had to go to new student orientation and convocation. This leads me to my first tip:

1. When anyone says that you are required to go to orientation yell "FALSE!" and run away as quickly as possible, preferably while spastically gyrating your arms to fend off any pursuers.

Having ignored my own first tip I was lead into the cafeteria with about 100 other students where we commenced to, one by one, introduce ourselves. There were students from Afghanistan, Pakistan, Oman, Syria, Jordan, Nigeria, North Carolina and numerous other places. Yet I don't remember a single name. After 30 minutes and much confusion later, we finally divided into three groups (having failed at every attempt at a name games) and commenced playing movie charades. These games are performed as a form of collective group torture to help you bond with your classmates. Which leads to tip 2:

2. If a guy named Ronny who only knows one English adjective points at you and says "I have an AWESOME movie for you," own it and do it with reckless abandon.

It only took one (fantastic) pelvic thrust for everyone to simultaneously remember my name and correctly yell "Sex in the City!"

The next day:

3. When someone says, everyone to the auditorium for convocation, yell "FALSE!" and run away as quickly as possible, preferably while spastically gyrating your arms to fend off any pursuers.

Also, again ignoring my own advice, I went into the swankiest auditorium I have ever seen. Regardless, it was incredibly boring so:

4. Bring something, anything to do while you're being talked at.

As someone who has been talked at a lot, here are some tips for those doing the talking-at:

5. If you are extolling the virtues of a liberal education, thinking critically and for yourself, please stop reading verbatim off a power point presentation that you obviously did not make.

6. If it takes you 20 minutes to explain what plagiarism is, you should find a concise defintion on wikipedia and plagiarize it.

7. Students do not need a 30 slide power point presention introducing every single person who works in the administration, their phone number and hobbies. This is not match.com.

8. When choosing a student to introduce every member of the administration please don't choose Ronny, the guy who only knows one adjective.

Just before you are about to snap and run screaming from the auditorium realize you can leave whenever you want.

9. Get up, head held high and walk confidently to the exit. If an orientation leader blocks the doorway and says you can't leave its not over yet, side-step her and walk out the other door. Keep walking, if you hesistate for a moment you will be trapped inside, as all but one of the other study abroad students found out.

And finally once you escape:

10. Love, savor and relish in the that incredible feeling of not being at orientation. Doesn't it feel AWESOME!?!

Deserted in a Desert Mall

It started with an innocuous question.

"Hey John there's a bus going to the mall at 6 want to come?"

I hate malls but I don't know anywhere else to buy anything so I said yes. When the time came I knocked on my two neighbors doors (the only two people I had met so far) and got no answer. I assumed I was missing out on something really fun and they had left while I was napping. I found out later they were both asleep. Oh well I'll still go for an hour and grab the stuff I need.

Central Hub

As I was getting off the AUD bus (adorned with curtains as all buses here are for some reason) at the mall I asked:

"What time will you pick me up here?"
"TenjsFDH!" The driver mumbled forcefully.
"What?"
"10:30"
"Oh, O.K. 10:30 right?"
"HERE!"

2 hours seems a little longer then I wanted to stay but hey I could manage to explore a mall for two hours. Five steps later I realized it wasn't even 6. A sense of dread swept over me. I have never spent 5 hours in a mall, I haven't even spent 30 minutes in a mall since I was 5. Malls are on the 6th level of hell for me about where Wal-Mart and a life sentence in a Siberian gulag reside.

You know when something terrible is about to happen but you can't bring yourself to look away, you're intrigued and horrified at the same time? That is how I felt for 5 hours.

So here are some general facts about the Mall of the Emirates that may help you understand how overwhelmed I felt when I was walking around: it is 6.5 million square feet, there is an indoor ski slope, there are 26 parking entrances A-Z, there is a cell phone charging station in case you've been shopping so long your phone is dead and a hotel in case you get too tired from mindlessly consuming.

And a Robo Coaster!

In some ways the mall was different. There were women dressed in full-length black burkas and men with long white robes and red-checkered turbans. Everything was sold there except for pork and alcohol and did I mention there was a ski slope? Yet, mostly people were acting the same. Fat parents and husbands spoiling their fat kids and wives while eating fast food and talking too loudly on their cell phones. Looking different but acting the same.

Winston-Salem Represent!

Most of my time was spent exploring and playing pool, surrounded by tweens, with guys who worked at the toy store. The only shopping I did was at a Carrefour which was basically an enormous, less organized and more stressful Super Wal-Mart. I also ate at a little "American style" cafe that had mint lemonade (amazing!) and played lots of Ja Rule (remember him?) And for those of you who have seen Pulp Fiction, in the UAE they also call a quarter pounder a McRoyal with cheese.

Say McRoyal with Cheese

The ski slope accurately named Ski Dubai was just plain silly. It was huge and impressive from a engineering and fake snow production stand point but for anyone who has actually been to a mountain or large hill with snow on it you'll probably be disappointed. Though it was fun to watch the kids who had no idea that snow was slippery fall down and see women in red and black checkered head scarves who looked like a really devout lumberjacks. Eventually though, 10:30 came and I ran to catch the moving bus that wasn't quite "HERE!" but was close enough.

From the Top of the "Slope"

I survived being deserted in the Mall of Emirates by myself which for me was almost as bad as a real desert but hey, at least I could go skiing.